Jealous
by Britwitch
Summary: (JCS FICTION) A girl is in love. The only trouble is - the man she loves...is in love with someone else...Please r/r!


JEALOUS  
  
I could hear the guards, they were close now. I could hear their armour clanking as they followed me. My legs hurt and my chest ached, I knew I couldn't run much further. I tried to run faster, breaking through some trees, the branches pulling at my long dark hair. I cursed myself as I ran, knowing that I had gotten myself into more trouble than I had bargained for. If only the guards hadn't come back when they had and found me trying to take one of their swords. A sword I could have exchanged for food. I scratched my arm on a bush as I ran and yelped. The guards angry voices growing louder and louder around me. I turned back to try and see how close they were, I could see the moonlight glinting off of their armour as they pursued me. I turned back just in time to see some one move in front of me. I screamed as they caught hold of me and pushed me through some trees and into a glade. I fell on the floor and felt a hand cover my mouth to stop my screaming.  
  
" Be quiet.they'll hear you." a deep voice said from behind me. I heard the guards coming closer and closer. I held my breath as they passed the clearing and carried on into the woods. I felt the hand move away from my mouth and watched as the figure move towards the path and listen for the guards. Satisfied that they had gone the figure turned around and walked back over to me. The stranger dropped down to his knees in front of me. I scrambled to back away but only backed into a tree. I couldn't get away. I threw my hands up protectively.  
  
" Please don't hurt me..I beg you." I felt his strong hands move my hands back down and away from my face.  
  
" Who are you.?" His deep voice almost echoed in the now quiet grove.  
  
" I-I-I.my name is." I stammered as I looked into his face. His hand reached out, moved a lock of hair from where it had fallen onto my forehead and then gently squeezed my shoulder.  
  
" Don't worry.you're safe now. I'm not here to hurt you.I want to help you. I'm Judas. Please.what is your name.?" As his deep dark eyes looked into mine I could almost feel them burning into my soul. I took a deep breath and tried to speak,  
  
" M-my name is." I looked into his eyes and he smiled, " Ruth.My name is Ruth."  
  
" Ruth." he repeated quietly, studying my face, " Well, Ruth." He stood up and offered his hands to help me up. I took them and he pulled me to my feet. " Why were all those guards after you?"  
  
" I.er." I shifted my weight nervously from foot to foot and looked at the floor. " Well.you see.I.er." I glanced up at him for a second and the instant his eyes caught mine I knew I could not lie to him, " They caught me.stealing something.I-I-I'm not proud of what I did.honest I'm not.!!"  
  
" Stealing?! What is nice young woman like you doing stealing things from guards.huh?" I glanced up again and saw the smallest of smiles lifting the corners of his mouth and a mischievous glint lighting his eyes despite the darkness.  
  
" Well I was hungry and I haven't any money.so I tried to steal a sword to swap for food at the market.but they came back and caught me." I sat down on a boulder and sighed, Judas sat next to me.  
  
" But what about your family.why can't they feed you.?" Judas asked but I could only look at the floor and try to swallow the lump that rose in my throat. " Ruth? Why can't your family feed you.?" I looked into his face, angry tears forming in my eyes. As I opened my mouth to speak my voice was little more than a whisper.  
  
" They're dead. They killed them. The guards. They killed my family.and all because they came to our house and asked my father for water to give to their horses. My father told them that all the water we had was for my brother, he was little more than a baby.my father told them that there was a well down the road.but they didn't listen. They charged into the house, smashing and breaking everything. They killed my father, my mother.and my brother.all for some water.for horses! I was hiding in the garden and they didn't find me." Judas' eyes filled with tears of sorrow and his brow creased in confusion. " They burned our house.and.and." Judas pulled me into his arms and held me tightly against him.  
  
" Oh Ruth I'm sorry." He rocked me in his arms as the tears fell down my face. " You poor thing.I'm sorry." He pushed me away from him slightly and gently brushed the tears from my face. " Come on." He stood up and held out his hand once more. I took it and we started walking through the trees.  
  
" W-w-where are we going?" I rubbed my eyes as he led me through the woods. He looked back over his shoulder at me and smiled,  
  
" I'm taking you to get some food and to meet my family."  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Judas led me through the woods and eventually we came to a stream which wound it's way amongst the trees. We followed it until we came to a large clearing which I was astounded to see was full of people. A few of them looked up and smiled as they saw Judas. He let go of my hand and wandered over. Embracing friends here and there and then a voice called out through the clearing,  
  
" Judas.where have you been.? We were worried." the voice came from a man sat under a tree. A man with flowing golden hair and the purest blue eyes I had ever seen. Judas face lit up upon hearing his voice and he went over to him and they embraced. They spoke for a moment or two, their voices too low to be heard. The fair haired man glanced over to me and smiled warmly. He stood and he and Judas walked over to me. I was very aware that by this point everyone in the glade was now watching me with varying degrees of curiosity. I smiled at them nervously and swallowed.  
  
" Ruth.I want you to meet my friend." Judas smiled warmly at his friend and then at me. " Ruth," The fair haired man began, " I'm so glad Judas found you. We all know what it is like to be wandering alone in the woods." He reached out and touched my face with his hand, it was almost as if pure sunshine was radiating out of this man. I couldn't help but smile back at him. " You are welcome to stay with us as long as you wish."  
  
" Oh.thankyou.but I." I started but he held up his hand and I stopped instantly.  
  
" I'm sure you have many questions.but first.let us find you some food and drink."  
  
" Thankyou.but who are.?" before I could ask him his name, the fair haired man smiled once more and returned to his seat under the tree. Judas watched him and then turned to face me. " Judas, who is that man.? I feel as if I've known him all my life.but I don't know how.who is he?"  
  
" His name is Jesus.and I know how you feel." Judas smiled broadly at me and took my hand and started to lead me towards the others.  
  
" Come.let me introduce you.and find you some food!"  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
I had never known life like this. They all seemed so happy and content, this was a new experience for me. Until now, I guess I had only existed. It was only now with this group of people that I finally felt I was living and I knew the reason why.  
  
I lived for every word he said to me. Every gaze he threw me. Judas, my saviour, was now my reason for living. He had saved my life and, whether he knew it or not, I would follow him to the ends of the earth to pay him back.  
  
I found a new kind of peace amongst these people. Their faith was somehow different to mine and yet it seemed so natural.so right. I found myself sharing their ideals and joining them in their rituals. At first I think I did it purely because Judas did but then I think the meaning behind it entered my soul and then I did it for me.  
  
I travelled the surrounding countryside with them, listening as Jesus told his stories to the crowds. My evenings were spent with Judas, well, as many of them as I could. We would sit and talk of our lives before meeting Jesus. We laughed and sometimes we cried. I thought our paths seemed destined to have crossed and whenever I was with him, I felt happy. Happier than I had been in a very long time.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
It wasn't long before the happy feeling started to fade. I don't know how or why it started but I began to feel a deep resentment towards Jesus. Judas had started to spend more and more time following him around, and less and less time with me. After supper one night, I sat and watched as they embraced each other, Jesus and my saviour. I felt an anger growing inside me, a feeling of nausea that wouldn't go away. I liked Jesus, he was a kind, honest, good man but nevertheless every time he spoke with Judas, or looked at him or touched him all I wanted to do.was hurt him. I cursed myself for thinking ill of the man who had shown such kindness towards me. He knew I was a thief and yet he had embraced me into his group without question. He seemed to have everything, wisdom, the adoration of his followers and it seemed too that he had found some deeper kind of love with a girl called Mary, a relatively new member of the group. So why should he have Judas' love too? Why shouldn't I.who loved him so dearly.be the one to whom he ran with his problems? For the first time in my life.I felt the deep pains of jealousy.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
It was late one night and I couldn't sleep, tossing and turning as dreams of happiness seemed to slip away from me. As I walked through the small grove of trees I heard someone crying. I stopped to try and find them. I followed the sounds of the sobs and eventually came across a small clearing where, leaning up against a large boulder, sat my saviour. He looked up at me as I entered the clearing, tears fresh on his cheeks, his eyes red from crying. It pained me to see him like this. I walked over to him and dropped down next to him.  
  
" Judas...Judas what's wrong?" I reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, praying he would not pull away.  
  
" Oh Ruth.I.." His voice was ragged with sobbing and I felt tears prick the backs of my eyes to hear it. I gently squeezed his shoulder and tried to speak but found that my own voice was broken,  
  
" Judas.p-p-please tell me.why are you crying alone like this.what's happened?" I knelt next to him, my hand still on his shoulder.  
  
" I've.I've.I've done something terrible." he sobbed looking at me with eyes full of sorrow. I let my arm slip around his shoulders and I made small soothing sounds I remembered my Mother having made to me when I awoke with nightmares.  
  
" Shhhh.Judas it'll be alright.shhh." I felt him lean towards me and I couldn't help but sigh slightly. " If only you knew.Ruth." he looked up into my eyes suddenly with a look of pure fear, " Ruth I'm so frightened!" I gasped slightly as I felt his arms wrap around me as he rested his head upon my chest. I rested my chin on his dark head as I rocked him gently. Tears began to fall from my own eyes, I couldn't tell whether they were sorrow or joy. I held him close and tried to comfort him.  
  
It was then I realised that this was the same glade in which he had found me. The same boulder on which he had comforted me. This had to be some kind of sign.  
  
I swallowed nervously and lifted his head up to look at me.  
  
" Judas.there's something.something I want.something I want to tell you." his beautiful dark eyes looked up into mine and I knew it was now or never. " Judas...I..."  
  
" Yes Ruth..." his deep voice asked. I took a breath, looked into his eyes again and saw the smallest spark. A spark that told me I wasn't the only one feeling the way I felt. I leant my head over his, closed my eyes and kissed him gently. I felt his arms hold me tighter as he sat up and I felt him kiss me back. I held him tighter and sighed as he did the same. As we kissed and kissed again I felt a warmth and joy the like of which I had never known. This was meant to be...I could feel it. Deep in my heart I knew...  
  
Judas suddenly broke our kiss and pulled away from me. His arms still around me but his eyes now full of confusion and what I thought was sorrow. He quickly pulled back his arms and stood up.  
  
" What am I doing?" Judas was speaking to himself but I could hear every word. I stood up and moved closer to him.  
  
" Judas...what's wrong? I thought..." I went to put my hand on his arm but the look in his eyes made me stop dead in my tracks. " Judas...what's wrong...?"  
  
" I can't do this," He said, half crying. " You don't know what I've done..."  
  
" Judas, it doesn't matter to me. Whatever you did...I don't mind...I..."  
  
" But don't you see...I've betrayed him. And now...I've...I've...with you...oh god what'll he think of me...?!" I could hear the desperation rising in Judas' voice and suddenly it hit me. The passion and love I had seen in his eyes were not for me...they were for him. " He'll never forgive..." Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I realised.  
  
" Jesus..." I whispered.  
  
" Of course Jesus," Judas yelled, " Who else would I mean...oh...Ruth...I didn't mean that...Ruth!!" He cried out but it was too late. I had already turned and ran. I could hear him trying to follow me, calling after me as I ran away, I raised my hands to my ears to blocks out the sound. Soon his cries stopped and I felt the tears streaming down my face. I cursed myself for letting myself get hurt again as I forced myself to run faster through the trees.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
I wanted to run away, leave this place and the people that lived there. There was a pain inside of me, a dull throbbing ache at my heart. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears from flowing freely down my face as I pushed my way through the trees. I felt as if someone had torn my heart out.  
  
I ran until I couldn't run anymore. My throat hoarse and my eyes sore from crying. I dropped to the floor, no energy left to stand. Tears continued to fall silently down my cheeks as I hugged my knees to my chest. Once again, I was alone.  
  
I didn't know how long I had sat there in the darkness amongst the trees but all of a sudden I could hear footsteps coming towards me through the trees. Part of my prayed it was the guards, coming to end my suffering. Another hoped it would be him, Judas, come to comfort me. I forced myself to look up as someone appeared in front of me. My heart sank as I saw who it was. It was him, Jesus, the man who had the one thing that I wanted more than anything. Judas' love.  
  
" What do you want?!" I snapped, the bitterness in my voice almost ringing in the air. I thought my words would hurt him, I hoped they would hurt him but instead Jesus just sighed,walked over to me and sat next to me. I couldn't help but stare at him, there was so much I wanted to say to him, do to him...  
  
" Ruth..." he began to speak, his words interrupting my angry thoughts, " I noticed you weren't at dinner with us tonight..." He looked at me with those clear blue eyes of his. Blue like the summer sky. I looked at the floor. " I know you must be feeling very hurt and alone Ruth...that's why I came to find you. I was worried about you..."  
  
" You? Worried about me?!" I snapped, the jealousy flaring up inside me.  
  
" Why else would I be here...?" he continued in that calming tone of his.  
  
" To gloat?!" My words full of anger.  
  
" Why do you have these feelings towards me Ruth...have I wronged you...?" Now there was a hint of sadness in Jesus' voice and I had to look at him. His head was hung towards the floor, he looked up at me, " I know that you..." he seemed to be searching for the right word, "...hate me...but..."  
  
" Oh no Jesus, I don't hate you I'm just...just...jealous of you..." I was amazed to see Jesus look surprised by my answer.  
  
" But why be jealous of me...?"  
  
" Because...you have everything I've ever wanted..." I could feel my cheeks growing pink in embrassment.  
  
" What?" he looked sadly at me, "You mean...you think I have power..."  
  
" No! You have...you have people who love you and...I've always wanted that. I miss that. And...well..." I glanced at Jesus to see him smiling at me. There was a hint of something in his eyes, could it be pride? Why would he possibly be proud of me?! " Why...why are you smiling at me...?" Jesus sighed and reached out towards me.  
  
" Because I think you'll now be able to understand something..."  
  
" But Jesus I don't under..." With that Jesus lay his hands upon my head, I felt a powerful warmth fill my soul and suddenly I saw everything clearly. I understood why his eyes often looked sad and happy at the same time. I understood why, no matter who loved him or how much, nothing could save him. And I finally understood why Judas loved him. Judas didn't love Jesus as I had loved him but he loved Jesus with a kind of admiration I only now understood. As Jesus removed his hands and I opened my eyes I saw a single tear falling from Jesus' eye. I reached out and gently wiped it away. " I'm sorry Jesus...I didn't know..."  
  
That night I followed Jesus back through the trees to the others. I no longer sought Judas' affections as I knew, somehow, that he was not the man I should spend my life with. I followed Jesus as he continued to tell his stories. I fought the guards as they came to take him away and I cried as he hung on the cross. I followed him til the end of my days and even in the darkest of nights and blackest of hours, his light still shone in my heart.  
  
THE END 


End file.
